Currently on Hiatus since March 8th
A story about the heart vs. the mind
I think I did the same as Black but for a different reason. In Highschool I had this group of friends. My brother’s friends, but I was the one in the deeper part of the group. We had friends who were just on the outskirts and then those who were intwined into the middle. They were people who had divorced parents, been in mental hospitals, cut, and all these other things. I was like then. I was depressed and had sucidal thoughts due to this big move. And I tried to help everyone of them. Listen to thier problems and trying to find a solution for them. And I helped some people, others just fouht hard to not get help. All this happening and I was buckling under the pressure. My thoughts weren’t my own anymore and the weight I carried was so much bigger than me. My deppression got to me and I soon became entangled in the middle and in some way we acknowledged we were all broken together. I crumbled under the weight and stopped fighting. I still helped people get out of the own weight, but i took it upon myself instead. It got to the point in which people were okay and starting to leave the group because they weren’t broken. And I felt like I didn’t do enough that wanted to make them stay and continue to be happy now they weren’t having problems. I thought i wasn’t enough. Soon the group changed and these people were happy. And I started drifting away. I felt like i didn’t belong or felt worthy to be friends with these people. So I was left trying to fix myself after all this. I did see a therapists but i nevee told the full truth. I was always the one to answer in truth but be as vague as possible. It was never depreesion or sucidal thoughtd I talked about, it was about me having trouble sleeping, or worrying that my parents were going to dicorce. I never went to deep. So I guess I preferred depressed people over a happy one because i knew I could help them in a way that’s possible for them to see the light instead of stuggling to keep myself afloat. If I take on their problems then they might not be as troubled as they once were, even if I crack and buckle under the pressure, they would be able to be happy.
… am I? i feel like if someone is happy that person doesn’t need me
so if someone is always alone and look kinda left behind i wanna be near that person and make them happy am i wrong then?
I think what this meant, in regards to “wrong”, is that it’s unhealthy. Having to deal with my own problems is enough, but I become often hypocritical when it comes to regarding someone going through nearly the same, because it’s stressful.
Taking care of someone who refuses to acknowledge their own problems, or to seek professional help, is draining. When you take on the role to watch over them, or help them, at a near constant, you start to break under the pressure, and the paranoia that something bad’s just around the corner.
Your act of kindness may seem meaningful, but with people like Black for example, who is acknowledging (yet forgetting) his upbringing, and is breaking apart under bad bouts if depression; his unwillingness to seek professional help means that he depends on White too much. One wrong step, and everything falls apart, including ones own personal life.
So putting yourself in that position, without seeking out better options, means sacrificing a lot of yourself, including your mental stability.
Well said….you basically summed up White & Black’s relationship and why White felt he had to leave for those 2 years
Thanks for the perspective
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