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Chapter 47: Page 36
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aaaaaaaand we’ve been walking towards this since November 2011. I’m looking forward to hearing your thoughts, observations and predictions.

 

There will be, naturally, a break from updates for some time. Volume 7 which starts with ch48 is open for pre orders now, and it’s been updating for patrons at my patreon page, for those interested.

I’ll leave these 2 teasers about the upcoming arc here.


Read ahead?

27 thoughts on “Chapter 47: Page 36

  1. its been so long since ive read this for the first time.

    but here i am, bawling all over again…

    your writing is so powerful, deejuusan looking forward to the next chapters with all my heart!

  2. Wow, how long has it been since I’ve last commented at all? I’ve been following since my first comment 2, 3 years ago? I follow on patron now as well, gotta update that to keep up with your recent work.
    Whenever I get upset, I turn to this story, because while it does have serious topics such as relapsing, abuse, self harm- it also has a dialogue that reminds me that those ‘needs’, that sought after reckless release, is all action and no thinking.
    I’m still struggling, but the way you make these two rough it out and sort through their demons, gives me the courage to acknowledge what this life really is. In the sincerest of ways it’s that life is never going to be fair, and it’s never going to hand you a path of happiness. One has to fight themselves to get there. As daunting as it is, one has to grow up and leave that childish mindset where certain behaviours are let to pass because of “child like innocence and mentality”.
    I don’t know what set you off on the topics of this series, but I’ll never hate it, and will always thank you for it.

  3. I … I don’t know what to say. At the moment of shoving I knew end was Near… This brought me to tears in seconds … I just felt … Like I shouldhave saved him but how ? I felt like I am the one responsible for this … I just -ah -it was -that feeling of guilt was unbearable … I read it before sleep and I was crying for three hours … I am type of human that is feeling bad and responsible for every bad thing … I have tears on the edge right know I don’t even know if I can finish this -ah crap… And next thing is that I had a truly big problem with Selfharm … And I remember clearly the day when I met guy that was even worse … I bear this burden of guilt for everything from young age when my father showed me no mercy and I have been physicly and mentaly broken for years … My friend … Commited suicide cuz I failed him he was worse than me but I just kept painting all “grey” I am failure and this book was just reminder of me broken cuz I couldnt save the one who helped me through worst. It is always hard to talk about him because he was simply strong stronger than me he just lived and hurt him self for something he wasnt responsible for… He just lived to see sunshine … The sunshine I shouldhave brought him … I miss him … Seven years passed now and I have never forgotten him … I just can’t … I am drowning in my tears … I am a… Failure I shouldhave saved him… And I regret I didnt … Ah… If I would know where or atleast how but he was so close and yet so far from me … Suicide is painfull thing to talk about for me for anyone … I know how does it feel… I feel with both of them cuz once I was used to live like black and then my white appeard but in the end I was white for black … I think you wont understand because I am sad and confused so my english higher is pretty bad but just please understand that I am in my weak moment remembering my mistakes which cost my white and real black life… This book is painfull sad but it is real it is truth it helped me accept my childhood and it truly showed me closer feelings of friend I can’t say nor write his name cuz I would get anxiety attack … He was black and I was supposed to be his white same as he was white for me together we overpassed so many problems but yet non of them I miss him And I will join him soon but I still have to help people who deserve it … Please I want to thank you one last time cuz I don’t think I will be strong enough to continue reading so… *I have to forgive myself but it was my fault . I have got mind broke into billion of piecies each of them telling me something else but theres just one piece that is screaming loud “I AM SORRY!!!” so let me end with the promised THANK YOU all of you and I hope every black will find his white you deserve it … Thank you again and again !!!

  4. Wow.
    Found this a few days ago, and just caught up. What a ride!
    The banner art at the time (the boys, back-to-back, in snowy night) just struck me, and had to check it out.
    The art! The story! The feeeels! I love good webcomics, and this is one of the best!
    Full disclosure: I am a 64 year old lady in Texas and don’t have first-hand experience with any of the horrific issues these boys have experienced. In my circle of friends (most are half my age, and younger) there are a few who have some of these tragic histories.
    I will share this amazing story.

    1. I meant to add: reading the comments from people who have been so touched by this story, coming from their personal experiences, is pretty powerful. You do good work, to have that kind of connection to your readers. Gentle hugs to them, and hope they find some of what helps them, through your work.

  5. Hello Dee!!

    Ohmy God, I’ve been reading this story for a while now and just caught up and all I have to say is:asdfljkasdflkasjdflsf honestly this is so beautiful, like the art and storyline and their friendship!!!!! Like!!!! it’s so!!! great and asdfkjsdfjk
    I hope Black learns to disconnect with the abusive behaviour TT^TT because honestly, nothing can excuse it;;; he’s such a pure person at heart and honestly, I wonder if the reason he gets so angry is that, because it hurts himself, it’s kind of like, a punishment? to himself??? ahhhhh i don’t know how to express this but it’s just so sad and ;;-;; White is suffering so much because of this too,,,
    ahhhh God bless you for writing this skjdfakhsa please continue and thank you so much for all the efforts you put into making this and sharing it with us ;;-;;
    Have a great time!!!

  6. I am truly heart broken….again. I’m angry that Black chose violence…again. I know from first hand experience how difficult it is to watch your loved one who was repeatedly abused over years by parental units struggle to overcome that cycle and not repeat it. The struggle is hard, real, and gritty–just as you’ve faithfully & brilliantly depicted, dear deejuusan. And it really never ends. Nor does the urge to self-destruct. I guess the abusers’ message of loathing & hatred are ingrained & engraved on their victims’ hearts….and perhaps, their souls. Since this is a fictionalized account, I can hope that Black will rise out of the ashes he’s just created by torching everyone & tainting those he wanted to protect.

    In the reality, nothing was enough to save the one I loved from himself, although he never once abused or was violent to his children, he couldn’t give himself or his other loved ones that same pass.

    I hope Black & White’s love story of this great friendship and struggle will end more positively.

    Thank you again, Creator, for your powerful, enthralling storytelling & equally as mesmerizing artwork. I only wish I could put mone where my mouth is and reward you more concretely for the privilege.

  7. Dear deejuusan.. i just wanna give you four golden tumbs. The story just so great.. i can’t wait to see the next chapter. Thank you for making a great story. And by the way i think i’ve become your fan. ?

  8. I have been following this manga for a few years now and I have to say it has and always will be my favourite. The complexity of all the characters is what really hits hard and makes this chapter especially emotional. Keep up the great work

  9. Once again I Cry with your story, once again I’ve been crying for over 47 chapters jajajaja “tears fall from my chin”

  10. I am at a loss for words. This was by far the most painful update yet. This is the best manga i have ever read and I cant wait to see what the boys will come to face next. Thank you Dee for your amazing work!

  11. I have to say this
    I love black so much,he is my fav and this manga, my friends are worn out from my constatly talking about it
    Yes black has a choice
    But relating to his personality and how he never think twice
    What he did was expected just as white said
    I love him and i know what he did was wrong but you can’t change what you are in total, so i hope in the near future he could think before he act even if little that would really tell that he is a pure hearted child and he regrets what he had done

  12. Does this really the start at page 36 for Chapter 47? Don’t want to spoil mysel too early. Have just read this page and am already excited.

  13. I wasn’t expecting this. Why did you do that Black? Whyyy? T_T

    By the way, I can’t remember who is who in the place Black and White are living. Waseem is Ty’s brother? Is he his kid? How many people live there? I don’t know if you said all of this before, but I am kind of confused with their kinship.

    1. Waseem (teenager) is brother to Ty (who’s married with 2 kids); all live with their parents. Black & White live in a studio apartment on their 3rd floor–since Black’s dad & Waseem&Ty’s dad were all friends back in the day…and White’s dad, too.

  14. This might get long..
    I read this chapter last night right before going to bed and I was overwhelmed with emotions. I still am overwhelmed… “overwhelmed” doesn’t even begin to cover it. I feel like this bottomless ocean and its raging storm they’re both in has crashed over me. I remember jumping out of my seat and burying my face in my hands and just stopped reading for 30 seconds. When White said “I know that I had foreseen it” I did too.. all those fits of anger, uncontrolled temper and dormant wrath.. but I didn’t want to see it. I didn’t think it would happen either because I thought he would choose better.
    I wanted to write something to tell you how I feel but I couldn’t find the words. I still can’t find the words to express my feelings. Black and White.. well.. to put it simply they became like friends to me and seeing this hit me so hard. I teared up reading this. Both my heart and mind are equally hurting for them, but I know there’s still hope! I kept telling myself “Dee will walk us through the glass just like White will walk Black through the glass.. that one day they’ll definitely find their way out of this ocean and its eternal dark.” Yes, it’s gonna get much much more darker from now on and I can tell I’ll need a box or two of tissues for what comes next, but I know it’s always the darkest before dawn. And needless to say I trust and appreciate you, Dee to the point that I actually had a dream last night that I sent you flowers and a postcard telling you how much I respect and love you and your work and all the things you do for us readers. I laughed so much when I woke up
    Your writing is one of the best I’ve ever read in my entire life. Truly. Can’t tell you how much your words touch my heart They’re real and sad but full of hope. It’s real and grey and beautiful. Your writing voice is very unique and one of a kind. It’s strength never ceases to amaze me. And your mesmerizing art always makes me want to pick up my sketchbook and draw whenever I see it. I can’t think of many other manga that even compare.
    And the way you tell the story is. So. Great. There are very few stories out there as good as Grey is…
    I stumbled upon it in the darkest time of my life and I couldn’t be more thankful. And I can’t believe we’ve been walking towards this since November 2011!! I am mind blown. Thank you deeply for all your hard work
    I'm on the edge of my seat and can't wait for what the future holds and to see how the story unfolds in the next arc.
    EXCITED!¨\(ºoº)/¨

  15. What a pity !
    I did like Black as a character. But as I was commenting a few years ago about Yaldar saying that nothing was a good reason to feel free to abuse someone, I still think the same about Black. I didn’t feel sorry for Yaldar then, i don’t feel sorry for Black now.
    I deeply believe that any kind of abuse his the the abuser’s choice ; and never ever the result of the abused person’s behavior. Black did make a choice. He choose to become an abuser. And that’s a pity.

    1. I love your comment on so many levels, and your words can’t be more true. Abusive behavior is a choice not an inherited treat, and it’s been apparent; Black’s hot temper attitude and tendency to throw/hit things and people since the first chapter.

      I am so happy to see your comments again, Talo, and I hope you stick around to see how this will fold out.

  16. Oh God, Dee I must tell you, from everything you threw at us all this years, this was the one that hurt the most, even more than the truth about Yaldar, when I read this chapter back when I got volume 6 I just felt this sense of despair really, because what could be done after this? All hope seems to be gone for our boys, and I can’t wait to see what the future holds, and from what I think I know about your writing, I’m sure it will be full of sad and dificult things, but also a whole lot of hope!

    1. Aww dear! You’re one of those people I thought about their reactions when you ordered the book. I hold you opinion highly and I’m just happy for having you all these years and still able to reach your heart. THank you for your trust.
      It’s not easy the new first real challenge they face. So far everything that’s been happening is related to past issues but this one is a crisis in the present so hopefully we’ll get to experience all sides of it together.
      For real, Thank you so much

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