February 17th 14:34

A snow day,

another snow day.

It’s been snowing non stop.

snow days are great.

you get to stay at home.

you get to lazy around.

you feel like doing nothing but look outside, watch the flakes falling.

with a cup of hot something in hand, you do nothing, and you don’t feel guilty about it.

I,

I used to love snow days.

But now?

White tightened his fist which was holding the curtain.

Been locked here, I dunno what might happen over there.

what if he says something wrong,

what if he does something stupid.

what if that psycho felt like releasing some anger.

Letting go of the curtain, with a sigh, White dropped his head and stared at his feet hidden under 3 layers of socks.

Our heater broke, and the house is freezing inside.

He probably has it summer over inside his house, yet,

I can’t help but worry.

endless worry.

February 18th 10:14

The sun was shining causing the thick white cover to sparkle like the sea, and parts of it to evaporate into the lower sky. White removed his beanie and tucked it inside the back pocket of his jeans. He rested both his arms on the shovel and looked at the steam coming from the snow.

This looks like it’s coming from some hot dish, or something.

heh… what a stupid thought. It’s something that Black would think of–

He couldn’t believed his eyes when he saw Black standing in front of him.

“heh, if only I was thinking of a million dollar.“

“huh?”

“I was just thinking of you and you showed up. So I said, if only I was thinking of a million dollar”

Black burst out laughing. “that’s a good one!“

The taller boy smiled and ran a hand through his bangs, in hope of fixing what the beanie has messed up; “what are you doing here?”

Black started talking animatedly, raising hands and moving around, imitating a lawyer; “I heard you thinking and came to call you for trial! How do you allow yourself to think of me without asking my permission?! There are rules! there are limitations! your behaviour is simply just unacceptab-“

White saw Black stop midway and stare at him. He must’ve noticed the frown on White’s face.

there it is, new band-aids on his finger tips.

“did he break something?” White uttered firmly.

Black paused for a few seconds then crossed his arms, putting a comical face again; “thinking without permission AND cutting me while speaking— you people of the under…. world…”

White moved his serious gaze from Black to the side towards the tall white cypress trees behind the fence. A few minutes passed before Black sighed and kicked the snow weakly saying in a low voice;

“He… just… he broke a mirror and— He was really trying not to hit me. So, he broke a mirror and then— I- I dunno… I couldn’t handle his rage and tried to stop him- but- the shuttering sound scared me and- tsk!” He shot a glance at White; “do I have to say it out loud?”

White replied in a low angry voice; “maybe you’d hear your words and find it in you to hate him.“

Suddenly, the sparkling sun on the snow looked like tears to White, and the steam felt like an expression of the fury he feels inside his chest.

A minute or two passed then, the sound of something falling over the snow near his feet brought him back to the world around. Black was lying on the snow looking at the blue sky.

“See? that’s why I don’t like getting out in the snow. I don’t stand out one bit when everything is white.”

Everything is white…

White…

my name…

doesn’t stand out in your sentence either…

has no effect on your days…

“Sorry that I’m selfish and causing you trouble… worrying about me like that. Sometimes, I wish…”

Black closed his eyes and hid his hands under the scarf that was covering his chest and continued;

“Can you be selfish too? so I can, you know, call it even…”

White fell to his knees then threw his face into the snow next to Black’s head. Black was startled by the sound of the shovel hitting the ground to the left, and when he turned his head to the right, he stopped midway when he heard White’s voice whispering against the snow ;

“I spent 4 snow days worried. thinking what could happen. what might happen. and I’m tired. I was afraid he’d hurt you badly… even kill you. That thought scared me. Selfishly, I thought of how I’d be lonely first thing… then, I thought of how sad it is for you being killed by the hands of your brother.“

White raised himself and sat on his knees.

“that’s me being selfish.”

After a long moment filled with kids’ distant voices, White side-glanced at Black, and he saw him with a surprised expression.

That was, one surprised expression.

I never saw him more surprised and… thoughtful.

I don’t remember how that moment ended.

I remember dad calling me to help him get the snow off the water tanks.

I remember Black being himself again, excited about, yet another chore he had never done in his life.

I remember that we were okay for the rest of the day.

I remember he left when that relative of him came by to get him, stating that his mother is getting really worried.

When I lied in bed thinking that night, I regretted telling him all that I did.

I know how he’d take it;

Another person to take care of,

Another person to sacrifice for.

that’s what I’ll be.

That’s how I’ll become to him.

He’d stop talking to me about his bad days, and he’d hide his injuries and bruises.

for my sake…

with such thoughts and much, much regret, White dozed off into sleep.

February 19th 11:00

White put his cup on the kitchen table and hurried towards the phone, picking it up after the third ring. He usually didn’t care for the phone, but his dad was taking a nap.

“hello?“

“it was 11 right? the time you wake up?”

“uuh- Black?“

“I didn’t want to call earlier so you wouldn’t be sleepy and grumpy.  I waited for it to be 11:00 to call!”

“I woke up early, and it’s still 10:58 here. Fix your clock.“

“EEEH!! Bummer!”

White checked the caller ID number.

“Where are you? this is not your house number.“

“Inad knows a guy, who knows a guy, who has this father, that the snow doesn’t stop him from doing his job.”

“Inad? that’s your relative right?“

“uh-huh! So, he called the guy he knows, who knows the guy whose father is-”

“A person that loves his job he wouldn’t take the snow as an excuse to take a day off”

“eh? did I say that?“

“…”

“No! I didn’t. I dunno if he loves his job. Maybe he loves money, coz Inad told Yaldar to prepare the, you know, he did that fingers gesture of money. rubbing index and middle against thumb?“

“yeah. so?”

“I never understood how these gestures start. I mean, who first thought of them and how-“

“Sidetracked~”

“AH! sorry. So this father of the guy who is a friend of a friend to Inad, worked, even on a snow day, to set up a phone at the studio, where I spend most of my time. He told me he can make the same line reach my room at the house, but he’d do it when the snow clears out coz it needs some things and wires and drilling and stuff”

“… I- don’t understand.“

“I mean, now I can talk to you, um… good and bad… hmm… even on snow days. and you will not worry alone. But you have to not worry after we hang up okay?”

what… a crazy…

“What a crazy person you are…“

“HUH?! is that how you thank me?!”

“heh! I can’t believe you!“

“what? but It’s true! You saw the number on your phone! OH YES! write it down! You can call whenever too! You don’t have to deal with Ritta’s remarks and Larissa or mum or anything- anyone. I will only answer this”

White chuckled and murmured “I see.“

“so, OKAY? no worrying after talking. I’m selfish too you know! I’m greedy too! If I have to tell you everything, you gotta tell me as well! Don’t over-think, all by yourself! that’s real selfish! I don’t like that!”

“… Fine. okay.“

“deal.”

“thank this relative who knows that guy and… all the rest.“

“will do!”

“see you”

“BYE!“

White placed the phone on its place and opened the drawer nearby, took a pen and a notepad. He wrote the number, tear off the sheet and went to the kitchen with a smile on his face.

heh, always unpredictable.

always so silly.

Jad’s voice came from his room, “who was that?”

“Black. I’m making some hot cocoa, do you want?“

“Ahh! Perfect for a sunny calm snow day.”