We’re not kids anymore


He didn’t want to come home with me. He wanted to go back to that house that he calls home. And I… I didn’t want him to be beaten again.

Black’s stubborn. So, I had to drag him behind.

I couldn’t grab his wrist like I had thought. 
That’s a rough way to handle a person who’s constantly, physically, mistreated.

It’s never easy to act around him.
I always, have to be too careful.
Like placing a bubble on the tip of your finger. A bit little faster… a little bit more pressure… and it bursts.

It wasn’t the first time we held hands.

But I, strangely, felt awkward, and glancing back at Black, he looked just as uncomfortable.

Why are we?

If the road ahead is crowded, it’d be because we’re worried what people might think. That’s silly if you think about it, but, it’s understandable.
What I don’t understand is;

The road here is empty.

So why?

I wonder,

why am I feeling awkward? Why is he feeling awkward? Is it his awkwardness that made me like this, or is it the other way round?

I just realised;

we’re not kids anymore.


Yes. White always refers to their childhood days using “Selfish Days”. They both weren’t selfish– in fact, their (over) caring natures is what made them make all the wrong choices that they’re struggling to fix right now. But, the more I observe kids, and the more I remember my own childhood and hear stories of  children, the more I realise how selfish their acts are, without the bad aspect of what selfishness is. It would be nice to lack the interest in what others think of out actions as grown ups. I do agree with White that it’s silly, because too much energy is wasted on that.

Black sure does blush a lot. Sad, angry, embarrassed, admiring, etc.

He’s such a fanboy. In all the chapters I’ve written so far in vol5, it’s funny how he blushes if he’s teased by White, impressed with Ritta, or if he’s noticed by Yaldar. If he’s complimented by his mother, hugged by Larissa, talked to Jad (at the beginning of their friendship), or any of the actions and talks he pulls himself. He leaves me no room for the actual scenes when he should be blushing fiercely XD

Their teen days are the hardest to write. Growing up isn’t easy /sigh

One thought on “We’re not kids anymore

  1. The “I just realised…we’re not kids anymore” hits man 😭💔
    Seeing Black not being goofy and happy over physical touch also just – 💔
    I love their expressions in this! I’m always happy to see more of their elusive teen lives.

    Thank you for adding to the blog! It’s exciting seeing more and more stuff coming in 🤩

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